What I hate about Motherhood…

I have always been a little bit different and I was good with it. I never tried hard to fit in anyone’s box. Yes, I had friends, rode bikes and did normal kid stuff but I also played Mahjongg with the little old lady on my street. I never have been a trendy dresser. I wore what I like -not based on comfort (well it couldn’t be scratchy) but in the style, that was my own. I wore hats to church long after hats were fashionable. I never liked glitter or sparkles and God-forbid I admit but I am a southern woman and I don’t do Lily Pulitzer. I never planned my wedding or dreamed of my prince.

I figured out early on what I was good at and what I wasn’t -not because I didn’t believe in myself but because I tried things. If I didn’t like it or enjoy it, I moved on. I wasn’t good at ball but I enjoyed sports and being with my friends – so I keep the stats. I enjoyed people and entertaining them -so I visited the older people on my street and sat with the family that didn’t have a kid at Sunday dinner. I have always been good with names and I wanted to know everyone’s name – well before I realized how important it makes people feel when you remember their names.

I have always had a big personality – one of those you either love or hate. I learned to gravitate toward those that loved me and smile & wave to those that didn’t. I remember a time a friend was upset for me because someone had said they didn’t like me but I couldn’t understand why it bothered her. It didn’t bother me. I told her ‘some people don’t like me.”

In college, I continued to be ok with not being in the majority. Again -I pledged a sorority, went to all the parties, always has a date to the big event and made the most out of those four years. But I wasn’t changing to fit in any molds. I majored in public relations and yes when you asked -instead of saying “I don’t know what I am going to be when grow up” my standard answer was “well there are tons of things I can do”

Luckily, I found a great career in the Chamber of Commerce industry that was right up my alley – PEOPLE. I love helping people, connecting people, watching their business grow, all the stuff. But I still was a little out of the mold. For 17 years, I was in that industry – 12 as a single woman in a relatively small town. I worked hard, had great friends, dated a little but in a small town a career woman -not looking for a husband -is an anomaly. I have embraced being an anomaly for as long as I can remember – well before I knew what that word meant.

You know what the great thing about an anomaly is – no one compares you to someone else. No one can say -that little girl does xyzzy, or that college kid is doing this or girls your age normally wear that….

But then motherhood happened…

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved motherhood, my children are one of the best things my husband and I have ever done but motherhood brings on the vicious game of comparison. It starts even before you get pregnant with fertility stories, then continues its evil cycle of lies that eat at your soul.

For as long as I can remember, I didn’t compare, I have never been very envious, I ran my own race. I am not saying I am perfect far from it but I embraced who I was and worked on making that person better not the same. But the minute, I got pregnant, out came the books, the advice…. Then the kids and your choices get compared daily at school or at playdates, are your kids doing this or that… when did they crawl, talk, eat, poop, grab your finger, learn to read.

My oldest is 4 now and the other day she said, “I want to wear this Frozen necklace to school to impress so-and-so.” And all of it came to a head in my mind – I wanted to scream – NO BE DIFFERENT!! YOU DO YOU!! But then I realized she gets it from ME! She sees me compare on social media…. if she has the right clothes, learning at the same pace, making friends at school, getting enough veggies, having enough play time, enough sleep, enough fun -but not comparing Clara to is she getting enough of those things for Clara but enough of those things compared to the kids she is in school with.

So here it is, I know you have been waiting... what I hate about motherhood – COMPARSION!! We make it too easy to make our lives so much harder.

So, it ends (ok I know not that easy) but the process of ending starts today. God doesn’t want us to live a life of comparison because he wants us to live his plan for us – our own race. He has a great plan set out for you and just for you. He isn’t comparing you to your neighbor or the mother down the street – He is comparing you to the woman/wife/mother/friend that he wants you to be.

So today -do me, yourself and your family a favor – You Do You!