This is REAL Life

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy. And I think I might need to get that tattooed on my forehead some days.

I recently posted this on my Facebook page: Some days are tougher than others. Some days you spend too much time in comparison and the mama guilt eats you ALIVE. Then you come home with a crying one year old and a 3 year old in the midst of potty training nightmares. But as you change your clothes, you hear her singing Jesus loves me to quiet the baby and you know you are doing something right.

Shortly after another mother, whom I respect, commented that a lot of mothers compare themselves to me.

It really threw me off – some days I feel like I am barely keeping it on the rails. And never think I would be anyone that someone would compare themselves to. Yes my kids are cute and they say cute things and I am lucky to have a wonderful husband who helps so much I don’t know what I would do without him. But please remember, while I try to be pretty real about my life, I am still – LIKE EVERYONE DOES – showing you my highlight reel. The best parts of life are what shows up on Facebook.

So I wanted to show you some real life at the Zimpleman House. Yes – you know I have been struggling with postpartum issues, Sam Henry is one and has yet to say one real word –he babbles some but mostly just has happy little star. He sleeps through the night maybe half the time. Clara is in panties and pees in the potty – all good but today pooped in her pants 4 times (literally tonight while standing next to me) –probably because she only poops on Monday and Fridays. We basically trap her in her room in the am by a strange glowing alarm clock and sticker bribes. We are struggling with the 3 year old melt downs, regularly over big traumatic stuff like she would rather drink my water instead of hers. The pictures below are of my dining room and living room –so you can just imagine how bad the bedroom spaces are - it’s not a pretty situation at the moment.

Raising children lends mamas to comparison – in guise of knowledge. You know –so how many words does Sam Henry have? Is yours going potty or still in pull-ups? When did she start walking? Do you work full time? Are you planning on having more? Are you still nursing? What are they eating? How do you do it all? We put so much pressure on ourselves and on each other.

Summer is a tough time, especially on Facebook, when all you see is pictures of people playing on the beach or on a boat with their family, spending extra time with their kids, going places or whatever. I have Major Mama Guilt – even though we have done fun things with the kids this summer and my kids are still so little that they just like turning on the bubble machine. And I know that that all too is the highlight reel.

Behind every great kid is a mama who is pretty sure she is screwing it up. But the truth is that we were put here on earth by our God to raise the children He gave to us. Those children need us to be their mamas –not try to do exactly what someone else is doing with theirs. We will all face challenges, times of joy, times of strife and days when we have all three.

We are told by God, “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with other. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” Galatians 6:4-5 (MSG)

Theodore Roosevelt also said “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” I think that comes almost straight from this verse. Explore who you are, what your talents are and what they aren’t. Explore the work that you have been given – whether that is your family, your child, your actual work or a combo of all those things. God gave us that work and wants us to sink ourselves into this work –not into someone else’s journey or their work. Don’t get over impressed with how you are doing with your work – don’t show off your highlight reel or brag. And most important, it says it right there – Don’t Compare Yourself with Others.

I am not preaching – I am writing this for myself. I am terrible at comparison. I look at people at stoplights, at homes, at vacations, at how behaved their children are or aren’t. Ya’ll we even use comparison to make ourselves feel bad about our struggles.

I have heard almost every woman I know, mama or not, say yes we are dealing with xyz –but that isn’t as bad as so-and-so. Early this year, dealing hard with the throes of depression and anxiety and waiting 8 weeks for a doctor’s appointment, I spent an afternoon beating myself up because I had just spoke to a mother of three with no support and scared of the husband and all I could think was I have a wonderful husband and a safe home to so I needed to just forget about being depressed. Seriously, I was comparing myself and the work that God gave me to make me feel guilty. I recently talked to a young mother who has a very serious medical diagnosis and one of the first things out of her mouth was well you know xyz is dealing with this… Really she has a long, tough fight ahead of her and was making herself feeling bad because it wasn’t worse.

While it is not easy, and it is something I struggle with all the time but we need to stop and remember, what we see on social media isn’t real life and God commands us to not compare ourselves and to tend to our own work. That is the work He has given us and wants us to walk in His will for our life. Not to live a joyless life by comparing our situation –good or bad to each other.