What to say to help that (newish) mama?

Someone recently said to me "I don't know how you do it all well". I think she was trying to compliment me. Because she followed up by saying - you all have so much more on you than I did raising my children - more choices and working - less help. All I heard is - there is no way you are doing anything well. OUCH! You know how we could have less on us - by having less judgement. Motherhood seems to be the only lifestyle left we can judge and judge we do. Comparison kills mamas souls a little at a time There are mamas out there doing the best they can with the circumstances they are in, with the children they have and with their knowledge or personal beliefs. If we would support all those different choices as much as we support every other alternative lifestyles - motherhood would be so much easier. No motherhood didn't look the same to her as it did when she was raising her kids -in the 50s, 60s and even 70s - her mothering probably looked very similar to the mother down the street. Right now not one of the mothers I am fortunate to be around does it the same way.

• Some breastfed for anywhere from 6 weeks to 18 months, some never did, some wanted to, some didn't. Some are having trouble giving it up and some can't imagine ever doing that.

• Some dress their child perfectly everyday and some have given up to let their child choose. Some every day is a surprise in what we are wearing and we are glad to get out of the house.

• Some take off a week of work and force potty training and some let it happen organically and clean up (physically and emotionally) a lot of accidents.

• Some are very particular about food and some let them try everything or nothing (like staying on baby food for as long as they want)

• Some have sugar before their first birthday, some don't waiting on that special moment, some let their little ones eat a whole cake that day (and pay the price later)

• Some have skipped doctors advice, some take every cough to the doctor, some have taken a kid to daycare -praying they make it through the day.

• Some have pierced ears (even the boys) and some think they don't want their little ones to look grown.

• Some are still in cribs and some have had a big bed from as early as possible.

• Some are at home every minute never out of mama's sight, some are at a 3 day a week preschool, some have been in full time day care 5 days a week since they were 8 weeks old (or any combination in between)

• Some go to bed at 6 some as late as 9.

• Some eat dinner as a family -some don't.

• I could go on and on...

But you know what they do all have in common, they love those babies more than life itself even if they are sleep deprived and haven't regularly showered in a while. They all know it passes to quickly - please stop reminding them because it might be a day they are counting the hours until bedtime (and that hurts their heart). You know what you can say! Motherhood is awesome -I enjoyed my experience even if it looks or looked different than yours. Whatever your choices, I support you. If you aren't in the throes of it yourself -ask how you can help. Bring dinner, wash laundry, babysit (if she will let you), be an extra hand on a night her husband isn't home, love her the best you are able. Or just a note or text that says -Your kids are great, you are doing a great and I support you.